The universal need for relationship motivates us, in healthy and unhealthy ways, to attach to others. Loneliness is the undesired isolation from others. Solitude is the desire to be alone with oneself, in order to satisfy a variety of needs. Detailed below, are experiences that humans encounter in the journey to attach and and remain connected to each other.
The Many Ways We Experience Love
The Ways That We Become Attached To Each Other
There are many different attachment styles which people develop. These styles of attachment are sometimes shaped by the nature of early attachment experiences in families of origin. Often at their core are anxieties about separateness. These attachment styles may include:
Codependent And Enabling Relationship Characteristics
Ways We Try To Remain Attached To Each Other:
(Adapted from Jonathan Gottman’s book “The Science of Trust”)
Areas of Exploration in Couples Therapy
Social Media And Intimacy
It is important to avoid the cliches, and stereotypes typical of many discussions about social media, and relationships. Most people are driven by the need for some form of social connection. Perhaps, online networks may actually foster greater appreciation of close friendships, and actual time spent in person with others.
The Anger Fear Connection In Divorce and Separation
Freeze – Flight – Fight – Fright
A person’s frequent response to the perceived or real threat of divorce or separation is refusing to talk about problems in the relationship-ie.-freeze.
Flight typically, is not an option because, too much could be lost by running away.
Therefore, a couple can quickly jump to fight, that is arguing, and displays, and expressions of hostility.
Like a cornered animal, a person may feel trapped and under attack during divorce proceedings, or separation, and while it is not exactly the same as immobility (or “playing dead”) some people get to the point of “playing dead”, completely giving up, and telling their soon to be former mate to take whatever shared assets they possess-ie.-capitulate.
There are many reasons to feel threatened in divorce, and separation. For example, there is the loss of someone who may have understood you, someone whom you engaged in familiar and routine tasks with, someone whom you were able to provide care for, and someone you sexually enjoyed. Some of these threatened losses are very real, as is the fear these losses trigger. Common responses to these threatened losses are to stonewall, or freeze in place, respond by flight ( temporarily moving out) and fighting-i.e.- arguing or retaining a strong legal advocate.
Many threats entail fear of the unknown, of the uncharted future course of parenting, making money, and exploring new relationships. Many people, understandably, become angry at their estranged partners for throwing their lives into states of uncertainty and upheaval. Others desperately try to cling onto a bad relationship, when the alternative is facing an uncertain, frightening future.